frogs and funeral

We've Just returned from the longest set of bus rides ever - Civitanova Marche autostrada exit to London and back via Milan and Paris. Why the bus? You say. Well, by train for two in the other peoples' smelly socks, if not worse, class is about 900 euros and by car with two overnight stops at Marie-Christine's is about the same and pretty knackering 4 days driving 3700kms for one days R&R of sorts at dear Carol's. 350 euros 'all in' on the bus = our no contest introduction to the lives of others- that was a good film even dubbed into Italian. So,first class reproduction of CD's incl. Mozart quintets/Schoenberg's Verklaerte Nacht in the aged Range Rover swapped for near porn with Arab pop sound track emanating visually from two tiny screens for the whole bus and mournfully from the tinny speakers above your seat. The bus stops at the exit to the M-way if you ring him on his mobile. Natch, such apparatus is not within the techical competence nor the pocket book of these two antediluvians. However, when all else fails try charm ( God help us ). I persuaded the barman in a very smart café to do the magic and it worked. Two refugees from Eastern Europe were duly bundled aboard a thankfully pretty empty bus.

Our dear friend Alan ( Heimie) Shelley whom we've known for 40+ years died mercifully quickly after being diagnosed with cancer. Maurice, in view of the recent demise of Clive Perdue and David Cardiff, says he's not renewing his subscription this year to the friends of Nic's club on grounds of self preservation. So that's what we were doing in the UK at short notice. The humanist guy running the show was pretty dire. I thought he had the ring of a scientologist about him - telling us all what to think. Made even a confirmed atheist like me long for the English book of common prayer - just for the language. A huge number (250+) of people turned up as not only the second hand book mob who gave us a lift but also the town of Lewes were keen to pay their respects to a bloody good bloke.




Cher Monsieur le Directeur

Je regrette de vous signaler un comportement impertinent, inacceptable et inefficace de la part d’un de vos policiers à +/- 08.30 le 29/11/2009 devant l’entrée du tunnel de Mont Blanc. Ma femme Maria Mudie (68 ans, passeport britannique no. 094242904) et moi Nicholas Mudie (64 ans, passeport britannique no. 706956092) avons subi une interrogation qui frôlait le cuisinage. Nonobstant la validité de nos documents cet individu voulait savoir les détails personnels suivants :

QUESTION REPONSE

D’où venez vous ? De l’Angleterre
Pourquoi vous y êtes allés ? Un enterrement

A ce point-là un individu normal (vu la détresse que manifestait ma femme ) aurait présenté ses excuses et trouvé quelque chose de plus utile pour remplir sa matinée. Mais non, notre vaillant interlocuteur tout en émanant la sensibilité dont une limace morte s’aurait vantée a poursuivi ses enquêtes :

Pourquoi avez-vous pris le car et non pas l’avion? Parce que c’était moins cher.
Où habitez vous ? En Italie.
Combien de temps ? Presque dix ans.
Où en Italie ? Pievebovigliana dans les Marches.

Je vous avoue que la réponse que j’étais fort tenté de lui donner dès le début était « tes onions ». Mais ne voulant pas descendre au niveau qu’il avait tout seul si assidûment établi et étant convaincu que l’on ne peut insulter ni être insulté que par ses égaux je me tus.

Alors, cher Monsieur, l’accord Schengen ne s’applique plus ? Abrogé ? Nos passeports ont été vérifiés par la Police des Frontières en sortant de l’Angleterre - pays qui n’a pas signé cet accord. Mais dans ce cas nous étions devant la frontière entre la France et l’Italie – qui l’ont signé. Nous sommes conscients de l’importance de la sécurité dans ce tunnel en vue d’une histoire autant tragique qu’elle est récente. C’est à cet égard que je qualifie ci haut votre agent comme inefficace.

Ayant traité trois hommes d’origine africaine qui se trouvaient sur le même car d’une manière abominable et inacceptable il a fait apporter les chiens pour regarder dans le coffre pendant qu’il fouillait dans leurs sacs de déchets sur le car. Si c’était vraiment la sécurité qui lui préoccupait il aurait mis les chiens dans le car et pendant leur reniflements nous aurait gentiment demandé de leur soumettre nos oreillers – chose que nous aurions fait avec alacrité suivant une explication de la raison. Il n’a fait ni l’un ni l’autre. Treize personnes sur le car et plus d’une demie heure de retard. Rien n’a été trouvé. Un jeune homme qui voulait se faire remarquer.

A mon avis vous devez tirer les oreilles de cet individu et m’en faire part. Autrement je dois présumer que ceci est l’impression de la France que vous voulez projeter dans le monde. Vu ma maîtrise ( malheureusement que partielle de votre langue) vous pouvez juger que jusqu’ici je ne partage pas l’opinion de la plupart de vos voisins : « la France est un beau pays mais plein de chauvinistes autoritaires ». Dois-je présumer aussi que cette missive ne provoquera un harcèlement augmenté chaque fois que nos passeports sont contrôlés par ordinateur aux frontières de l’hexagone? Dans le cas contraire, même le soussigné – francophile à tous crins – sera obligé de changer ses opinions
Sincèrement le vôtre Nicholas Mudie

sad days and the French again

Cher Monsieur le Directeur

Je regrette de vous signaler un comportement impertinent, inacceptable et inefficace de la part d’un de vos policiers à +/- 08.30 le 29/11/2009 devant l’entrée du tunnel de Mont Blanc. Ma femme Maria Mudie (68 ans, passeport britannique no. 094242904) et moi Nicholas Mudie (64 ans, passeport britannique no. 706956092) avons subi une interrogation qui frôlait le cuisinage. Nonobstant la validité de nos documents cet individu voulait savoir les détails personnels suivants :

QUESTION REPONSE

D’où venez vous ? De l’Angleterre

Pourquoi vous y êtes allés ? Un enterrement

A ce point-là un individu normal (vu la détresse que manifestait ma femme ) aurait présenté ses excuses et trouvé quelque chose de plus utile pour remplir sa matinée. Mais non, notre vaillant interlocuteur tout en émanant la sensibilité dont une limace morte s’aurait vantée a poursuivi ses enquêtes :

Pourquoi avez-vous pris le car et non pas l’avion? Parce que c’était moins cher.

Où habitez vous ? En Italie.

Combien de temps ? Presque dix ans.

Où en Italie ? Pievebovigliana dans les Marches.

Je vous avoue que la réponse que j’étais fort tenté de lui donner dès le début était « tes onions ». Mais ne voulant pas descendre au niveau qu’il avait tout seul si assidûment établi et étant convaincu que l’on ne peut insulter ni être insulté que par ses égaux je me tus.

Alors, cher Monsieur, l’accord Schengen ne s’applique plus ? Abrogé ? Nos passeports ont été vérifiés par la Police des Frontières en sortant de l’Angleterre - pays qui n’a pas signé cet accord. Mais dans ce cas nous étions devant la frontière entre la France et l’Italie – qui l’ont signé. Nous sommes conscients de l’importance de la sécurité dans ce tunnel en vue d’une histoire autant tragique qu’elle est récente. C’est à cet égard que je qualifie ci haut votre agent comme inefficace.

Ayant traité trois hommes d’origine africaine qui se trouvaient sur le même car d’une manière abominable et inacceptable il a fait apporter les chiens pour regarder dans le coffre pendant qu’il fouillait dans leurs sacs de déchets sur le car. Si c’était vraiment la sécurité qui lui préoccupait il aurait mis les chiens dans le car et pendant leur reniflements nous aurait gentiment demandé de leur soumettre nos oreillers – chose que nous aurions fait avec alacrité suivant une explication de la raison. Il n’a fait ni l’un ni l’autre. Treize personnes sur le car et plus d’une demie heure de retard. Rien n’a été trouvé. Un jeune homme qui voulait se faire remarquer.

A mon avis vous devez tirer les oreilles de cet individu et m’en faire part. Autrement je dois présumer que ceci est l’impression de la France que vous voulez projeter dans le monde. Vu ma maîtrise ( malheureusement que partielle de votre langue) vous pouvez juger que jusqu’ici je ne partage pas l’opinion de la plupart de vos voisins : « la France est un beau pays mais plein de chauvinistes autoritaires ». Dois-je présumer aussi que cette missive ne provoquera un harcèlement augmenté chaque fois que nos passeports sont contrôlés par ordinateur aux frontières de l’hexagone? Dans le cas contraire, même le soussigné – francophile à tous crins – sera obligé de changer ses opinions

Sincèrement le vôtre Nicholas Mudie

For those that read French, the above says it all. Today we also read about the chauvinisme ( M. Chauvin was a Frog in any case) displayed by the the French government in the matter of Areva. GE and Toshiba put in a higher bid, but the company's transmission and distribution business will be split up and sold to two French companies despite union and management opposition. If my memory serves me correctly one of the French purchasers - Alstom- was the subject not long ago of some pretty dodgy government subsidy that got up the EU's nose, but about which they did sweet f.a. I read about this current stitch up on the bus on the way back from the UK just as the French were also rubbing their hands at the prospect of gaining for the first time a commissioner for economic and financial affairs in the EU.

Why were we on the bus and not carrying on with pruning espalliered peaches and fruit trees in general? Our great friend Alan (Heimie to us ) Shelley died and we went to the funeral. We're both glad we did; for our and Jenny's sake. And 'the bus'? Because either car with two hotel stops or train and smelly feet, if not worse, emanating from the other occupants of the sleeping car is, these days, a 900 euro plus trip. The bus is 350 all in. With our personal rate of inflation at somewhere near the 5000% mark - no contest.

Anyway, back home to teaching/coaching teenagers for their PET exams. These are exams run by a mob that somehow has persuaded Cambridge University ( the only UK one I'm prepared to admit might be better than my own alma mater) to let them arrogate to themselves the 'brand values' of that august institution. Needless to say the kind of pseudo mathemetics that are only used by those who don't understand what numbers are for have been employed to give the whole affair a totally meaningless scientific gloss. As a bloke who can wield a bloody good argument in 4 languages other than my own - and even pen a respectable letter ( see above ) I reckon I know a mite whereof I speak. If you have a mere 99.9% record in filling in literally thousands of boxes, most of which have nothing to to with the candidates' (yes, there are 2 or three at a time) performance these guys get their knickers in a complete twist. The saner amongst us would regard this as a performance of which even Mercedes' Q.A. dept. would be proud. The world of wannabe academe is even further removed from reality than those who've actually spent some time in an ivory tower.

Today's discovery is that you can actually import ( if that's the word) stuff you've written previous-like into this bloggerama. So, style and spelling will be more betterer next time round when I shall touch, from experience, on love and sex, quantity vs. quality from a rheumy eyed but, I hope truthful, perspective. I'll also have an acerbic dig at the Italian idea of repaying expenses. Watch this space and see the first stirrings of unemployment pay in the third world.

Thought for today: Arabs and Jews are both Semites (descendants of Shem son of Noah). The term also refers to language. How come Jews make terrific and on occasions self deprecatory jokes yet we've never heard of an Arab comedian or an Arab joke? Come forth Ali, and lighten up a bit.

Back from KatenCos' in la douce France - just inside the Aquitaine of today. A beautiful area just south of Limoges full of large ponds lakes and wonderful trees and history- my life. I was moved to read a book in our library- which like most of them, let's face it, have not yet been read by me- on Eleanor of Aquitaine. Definitely top moyen age crumpet. The book by one Desmond Seward; a serial populariser I surmise, was a jolly romp. Unfortunately, or fortunately if you're a part time nit-picker like me, he got a bit above hisself in quoting one of the Namenlose Lieder
( Mittelhochdeutsch c.a 1170)) and mis-translated chunich as queen (assuming his as a reference to Eleanor) whereas it is the word for 'king' and may indeed refer to Richard Lionheart and possibly his homosexuality. The latter hypothesis roundly declared out of place by a wonderful dry old stick who taught m.h.d. at Birkbeck. Natch' I wasted not a nanosecond in pointing out the error to Seward's publishers who have so far not graced me with a reply. Eleanor was a great patroness of poets and included Chrétien de Troyes in her ruelle. Now this man, despite my dislike of poetry as an art form (c.f. Edmund Wilson's essay in The Triple Thinkers, which neatly differentiates for the inculte like me between verse and poetry) is one of my favourites. His Le Roman de Perceval ou Le Conte du Graal was the precursor of Wolfram von Eschenbach's Parsival ( also M.H.D). The astonishing thing is that, if you compare the two, some passages are translated almost word for word by Wolfram in verse from an original which he almost certainly never saw written down and can have heard at best but a few times- O.K the stuff abounds with topoi but nichtsdestoweniger some memory. Wolfram, well ahead of his time also wrote the prequel as well as the sequel.

So back to reality whatever that may be. We both had the flu on return from France via Janet and Godi's place in the Ticino. Paid for a lousy meal. How come these Ticinese are 2mm over the border from Italy yet make lousy coffee, execrable wine and food beyond compare in a negsative direction and So Expensive. Saw a great exhibition of Hopper in Milan - the French paintings a relevation.

Italy, apart from admitting that the National Debt now stands at 120% ( they just give the figure as 1,787 billion Euros ) we are back to a full blown constitutional crisis . Mr B desperate to escape criminal charges trying to change the constitution and shorten the lenght of court cases and the left and magistrates-perforce politicised by the institutional relationship - all at loggerheads. Why not invoke the Socratic apologia inverted? Not , 'I'm innocent but if it helps to maintain the sway of justice I'll willingly die' but rather ' We know the bastard's going to be let off the hook ( sotto voce 'just wait till he retires') but in the name of improving the Italian legal system, believe me there's room, we'll grant a reprieve to Mr B. Sacrifices have to be made.

I see a black French speaking man at the head of FAO in Rome going on hunger strike - we're not giving Africa enough money. Bush did his best to conditionalise the giving of aid with better governance in receptor countries. Now's the time to get real. No more international posts UN etc.. for any country that does not meet certain basic standards of rule of law, corruption and democracy. For one thing these jobs which are well paid and absorb the very talent which should be back home shouting the odds for better government. The US en passant got tough with the Swiss about banking secrecy as far as US taxpayers?? were concerned. They missed a trick; what about disclosure of the amounts held by rulers past and present of so called developing nations?

Pretty soon with the march of the mobile 'phone in Africa and elsewhere as a marketing and banking service it will be possible to target aid direct to the recipients. These devices in conjunction with regularly topped up pre-paid smartcards will soon cut out all aid agencies and kleptocratic governments. The next big problem is to ensure Grameen type distribution so that the menfolk don't piss is all up the wall

Gotcha Mastella

The last lot was written late as you can't transfer from 'word to here', so all had to be re-typed.

This is more up to date. A busy few days. About 6 hours solid work earned £300 by refusing to accept SAGA's absolutely outrageous demands to re-insure with them for the 4th time our elderly Range Rover. And I thought highwaymen had to actually leave their desks to collect the dosh. Wiseley re-invested £100 odd of the savings with the new lot in a breakdown insurance as we're off to see Kate 'n Cos' house near Limoges dans La France Profonde at the weekend. The horse's winter quarters are now repaired and rubble path laid to avoid slough of despond. Dommie's mini digger helped to push some of the newly arrived earth into position where the nebbiolo will be planted. Tony & Hemda asking for advice on their house in Pieve'. A solution was proffered in outline, site visit to follow. Wait for the mini explosion from Il Nano - not to be confused with the poison dwarf ( our nickname for Brunetta). Most unfair, as actually, with other members of B's government, apart from Twemonti, he's doing a grand job and isn't afraid to admit to mistakes.

Why the SUN like title - do you remember Argentina? I was delighted to see an old friend in yet more trouble. During the last attempt by the Left to form a coherent leadership ( one Walter Veltroni ) I publicly said and wrote that I'd vote for him in the brand new primaries if he could guarantee not to include Mastella in any group he might form since he represents the paridigm case of all that is reprehensible in Italian politics. I paid my Euro and gave my choice. It is of course worth pondering these two musings. 1) He and Mr B are perhaps symptoms not the disease - after all they were voted in. 2) To return to Argentina: maybe the country is/was so badly run because it had the greatest number of Italian immigrants of all S.American countries - remember Galtieri: a very Italian name. A Spanish dictionary actually has some words that are specific to Argentina because of the Italian influence on the language.

Glad to see that Ferrucio de Bartoli on 'Parla con Me' shares my views on the negative effect that an otiose legal system is having on FDI.

Just look at the Euro fly. Combine Trichet's absolute refusal to do anything about a soaring Euro ( he's got 100 basis points to play with given : 0.25% US, 0.5% UK and 0.10% Japan bank rates) with an Italy that may be 40% overvalued and the future here does indeed look grim. Just look at the tourist industry. This is a country with maybe some 80% of the world's art/architectural treasures ( not all of them by any means well looked after). But who is going to pay to come and look at them at these prices? The tourist industry is badly coordinated compared with, say, France. There you have properly graded hotels at all price levels, good central organisation of the industry at trade fairs - none of our inter regional rivalry - and town councils/tourist office that know how to run a web site. c.f Montpellier.

To be sure manufacturing has all kinds of porblems not least of which is that the generally low value added, low tech. stuff they produce can be copied and made cheaper elsewhere. But not even the Chinese can make a Paestum nor the Indians a Villa Maser. Manufacturing and technology comes and goes; if my memory is correct the Italians borrowed silk making, paper making and even noodles from the Chinese - they are now repaying the compliment by borrowing amongst other things the Italian post war success story of manufacturing affordable mass market white goods . the Haier vs. Merloni match is on right now.

Tremonti's hidden agenda

The trouble with being an elderly foreigner interested in things economic and living at 750m in the Apennines, is that there aren't many interlocutors interested in this kind of matter. Despite the fact that my criticisms of italian economic policy ( if that expression is not actually oxymoronic at the moment) are made with the best interests of my adopted country at heart.

How right my academic correspondent at Bocconi was about Tremonti; in my old fashioned anglo saxon terms "he's pissed in the chips yet again". To think that Biagi was murdered for proposing even modest reforms does make one wonder. Notice Mr B taday again siding with unreconstructed trades unions - one went as far as to say that they had written his script themselves. The last time Mr B did so, was just before the last elections over the Alitaglia ( pun intended) affair. That cost the taxpayer some hefty redundancy pay billions inter alia that Air France was about to take on board. Now I'm not a reader of Dan Brown and, as such, not a conspiracy theorist, but I think I see the hidden agenda of these two gentlemen. What looks like a piece of sentimentality ' founding families, preserving social peace etc.) is in fact covering their terror of losing even more of the tax base.

To my mind there are 5 classes of worker in Italy:

Employees with permanent contracts

Civil servants ( public officials/employees )

Employees with short term contracts

Shopkeepers and small tradesmen

And of course the Mafia

The first two have, paid on their behalf by their employer, the full 'Tax on employment' ( often well over 100% of take home pay) even though some would like to call most of it social security not tax. What's in a name when it's your pay packet that's suffers?.

En passant, the second one also costs the taxpayer a fortune in pensions after sometimes the briefest of careers.

The third has less paid into the system on his/her behalf by the employer than the first two.

The fourth by all accounts earns less than his shop assistant/employee and therefore pays little into the system.

The fifth in as much as they bribe to get public contracts are of course imposing a tax of their own whilst providing some services for which there is obviously a demand ( drugs, prostitution etc.) and earning profits therefrom which are totally untaxed.

If the trend is against 'jobs for life' and Brunetta is successful in reducing waste (= personnel ) in the public service then apart from some long term gains to the state pension fund the tax take is trended downwards. Hence the rhetoric, rather than starting on a complete overhaul of the tax situation to bring some equity into the system. Under Padoa-Schioppa at least some attempt at sector benchmarking was made so that, if the Café de Paris in the Via Veneto was turning over less than Bar White Green in Pievebovigliana some questions might be asked. He was also proposing ( to trades union indifference if not downright hostility) some social support for short term contract workers. Trades union members are mostly old and in permanent jobs Q.E.D.

As I wrote to my correspondent,' What think you?'. I know you must be busy man so you don't have much time to mark the essays of an economic illiterate, but it would be great to hear from you.

Reform the law in Italy and who should pay for St Francis' wood


A wet Sunday in Le Marche but managed to harvest last of the 2nd sowing of French beans. Great guffaws when the magistrates were reported as threatening to go on strike as Berlusconi hots up his attempts at reform. Strike? Who would notice? Ancona our regional capital was reported as having the slowest courts in Italy last year by the Espresso - 10 yrs to get a case heard, if my memory serves me correctly. Which brings me back to the end of my last blog.

If labour productivity in this country is to be brought up to competitive levels then apart from wage restraint ( difficult in a country where take home pay in a factory can be lower than 1,000 euros a month ) and of course a freer labour market, investment in new plant is a must. Give a man a new machine that produces 50 widgets per hour as opposed to his old faithful that did 25 and obviously productivity goes up by100%. The small family run businessesthat are the backbone of the economy have thier own backs against the wall and realise that, even if they could borrow the money, workers are easier to sack than the bank manager when things go quiet. What's missing here is FDI ( foreign direct investment). When the first language on a P&G product is Greek you know something is awry. Greece after all is as much and economic basket case as Italy. So why Greece for multinationals and not Italy which has the lowest FDI in Europe and that which it has is high-tailing it for home? Answer: the legal system. Multinationals will not come here because contracts cannot be enforced within the lifetime of the product- if at all. If no multinationals come with the inevitable transfer of mangament know-how and technology , where is the new investment to come from? Who is going to employ gainfully the graduates ? Now if the law were to be reformed maybe things might look brighter- after all it couldn't get any worse. Cases such as the Perugia murder, and indeed any of Berlusconi's legal problems make Italy a laughing stock because of the sheer inefficiency and length of time. To be sure there's bound to be an element of self interest in Mr B's efforts but there could be collateral gains - again on the principle that nothing could be worse than the current farce. Magistrati l'Ultracasta by Stefano Livadiotti makes bitter sweet reading.

Now to lighter joke. The poor old National Trust called FAI here in Italy wants us all to contribute a few bob to keep St. Francis' wood going. They must be joking. This shady walk is part of a tiny monastry where St. Francis holed up for a bit of a think - very beautiful. But this supposed object of our charity is right next to Assisi. Go there after 8.30 am after Jan. 30th and you can't move for tourists. This town is making a fortune - if they can't shell out a few cents then what about the church itself. You can bet your bottom dollar that it was the state ( the taxpayer) that fixed up the cathedral after the last 1997 earthquake. It's time they put their hands in their own pocket. Only Marchegiani in Italy are supposed to have short arms and deep pockets, we don't need any rivals

Should Italy leave the euro/default on gvt. debt?

At the end of 2008 Italy had a national debt of 1.66 trillion euros. Debt stood at 105.8% of GDP so GDP must have been 1.569 trillion - en passant this absolute amount is very difficult to find ; not even the bank of Italy will give an answer.

The middle estimate for the fall in GDP for 2009 is some 5.2%.

1.569 x 0.948 = 1.487 trillion as an estimate for the outcome for 2009. Gvt. debt was officially announced 4 days ago to be at 118% of GDP. My best guess is that the outcome for end 2009 will be some 125% of GDP as Italy has yet to learn to pay unemployment pay at anything approaching western European levels. By some accounts only 0,5% of GDP is spent on this item. The question one might ask at this point is: what happens to the fantastic ( to anglo-saxon minds) levels of taxation on labour ( INPS. INAIL. BOOT money for builders) which are paid by employers - which naturally depresseses the level of pay for the workers? When you're out of a job you can wait months before some ghastly triumvirate of local politicians, trades union representatives and local Confindustria deigns to hand out a pittance. Non permanent 'precarie? get nothing despite having paid in.

This excursus appart; let's assume I'm right about 125% ratio of debt to GDP by end 2009. If this is true, and patient investors ( or bond vigilantes if you prefer) are prepared to go on accepting yields of 3.9% on 10 year gvt. paper ( BOT's or whatever) then 125 x 0.039 = 4.875% of GDP is going to be spent on servicing the interest portion of the debt. Maastricht, what on earth was that? 3% + 60% max.......... The choice is stark; 10 years of wage restraint/flexibility and of course investment is required in order to bring productivity up to competititve levels or get out of the Euro/default. Once Italy is out then Greece, Portugal and probably Spain will go to. The Euro will rocket and poor old Germany will have to find some very rich Chinese indeed to buy their excellent cars and capital goods. On the other hand maybe the Germans/Dutch etc. can be persuaded to fund Italy and the others - at a price of course.